God's love is so very alive and big.
He is beckoning us all the time.
He wants us.
All of us.
He wants our hearts.
I have found Him louder and louder asking for my heart. In all my immaturity I have turned to things in my impatience. A cigarette when I am stressed, a guy's affirmation when I am not feeling pretty enough or when I am longing for a husband but do not have one yet, a run to angry music when I am feeling completely overwhelmed, ice-cream when I am grumpy...the list goes on and on. My heart it wanders...I have never seen it so clearly until now. It's like God is allowing me to take a step outside of myself to see what I am doing. It is so humbling and somewhat painful to see how childish I have been...but God is not yelling at me...He is not angry with me...but He gently asks for my heart. He asks because He loves me. His heart aches for my best...He loves me so much. I cling to the cheap and counterfeit and all He wants is for me to have the best...the real deal. But I, like Abraham, do not have the patience to wait for God's timing to fulfill His promises...I come up with my own schemes to get what God is scheming for me...but my way sucks...it hurts me and it hurts others. God is overwhelming me...stepping closer and closer. When you open the door to God in your life He rushes in...He longs to invade every crevice. He wants everything. When you invite Him in...He comes...and He fills the room with love and grace...and He begins to show you the truth of your deception. What you thought was gold is fools gold. What you thought was a precious jewel is fake...what you have thought was the real deal of life is just a false reality that Satan wants to trap you in. God is freedom...He is life...but you must let Him in...let Him into the places that hurt the worst...He will sweep out the dirt...it will hurt...it will be the most humbling experience...but oh let Him in...He longs to love us and He longs to help us. I am being helped...my heart is hurting...and all the things I thought were helping heal it have been what has kept it from healing.
God reveals our darkness...He reveals our faults...but it is never to just leave us in brokenness...He says: "Come, give your heart to Me...wait, patiently, wait for Me...I am the perfect Father who will not give you a rock when you ask for bread."
If I am unwilling to give up the false/cheap things in my life how can God ever give me the beautiful/genuine thing.
I do not trust. I do not trust God and I am turning every which way looking for His promises...but I am not looking to Him.
Oh, I long to give God my heart...He is so precious and loving. How can I hold myself back from Him? He is the creator of rainy days, trees, clouds, mountains, and the people that I love. I want God to have my heart...I want Him in my heart...I want Him everywhere...OH GOD THAT YOU WOULD COME AND FIGHT FOR MY HEART...I NO LONGER WANT THE THINGS I HAVE RUN TO...THAT I HAVE CLUNG TO. COME AND FIGHT FOR ME...I CANNOT DO THIS ON MY OWN...COME HAVE MY HEART. I BEG OF YOU!!! Come, Daddy...please.
