Narnia

Fortress. That word makes me think of an island with a stone castle surrounded by breaking waves crashing on sharp rocks. It is dark and cold, it means some serious business. And that is God for me right now, my fortress. It’s just that my heart a bit like glass that is cracking. I am overwhelmed by how much I love my friends, old and new. It’s just that I keep saying goodbye to three of my most beloved friends. It’s like finding people that you just get and they get you and they share in Christ’s love with you big time, but you keep leaving them behind…and then going to work.

But here is the thing that is really important to realize. These people are my roots. But they are not my rain (God), my sun (Jesus), and my dirt (the Holy Spirit). They are not my fortress; they are the people inside the fortress with me.

I am airing on the border of feeling like I need to be reminded that God is behind it all. God was the one to make these people, put them into my life, and perhaps is bringing us to a point where we don’t have to keep saying goodbye. But it is God doing it! He is the one that I should be running to and remaining strong in. I do not want to make people my fortress. People are frail, they are hurting, they are searching, and they cannot be what I want them to be. They will forget me, they will move, they will date/marry, they will get irritated with me, they will be human. God is not human. He is God. He will never forget, move, become more attached to someone else, get annoyed, etc. I want to bask in God with my Family, not bask in my Family with God.

Perhaps. I am a cynic tonight. Tired and feeling a bit too broken from separation. Perhaps this is not bad, and does not mean that I am too attached to people than God.

I admit I do not know what sadness looks like in being kept by God. I am no less held then last week, but I am not allowing the arms around me to be enough.

I think I just realized that when we cling to something other than God we remain stranded while a great wave rushes past, but when you cling to God you realize that God is the wave and you’re in for the ride of your life.

When you cling to God, the wave, will take you to the best of lands. He takes you exactly where you are supposed to be. It beats clinging to the wrong pier that keeps you grounded and missing out on the best adventures of life!

I don’t know about you but I am about to cling to some serious God and ride the best wave ever…come get swept away with me, yeah?!

Construction

In Harry Potter there is a scene in which a house is run down with there is glass and broken furniture everywhere…and then the house is magically restored and you see all the pieces of glass reconnect and the furniture is put back together. The house goes from dark and gloomy and chaotic, to warm, beautiful and bright.

I feel that was my last night. I saw all these small lessons and steps that I have taken and that God has brought about in my life over the last 6 months all come together in this beautiful story. From learning to have to communicate and be honest, to realizing that I need to slow down enough to know when I am supposed to be somewhere and not to be everywhere.

In humourous ways God has been moving to. Bringing my relationship with a dear friend whom I have been disagreeing with everything for the last year back together based off of agreeing on the goodness of two friends (Timbre and Mason) whom my friend has never actually met. I know that doesn’t make sense but trust me on this on God is crazy wicked beautiful!

I have been feeling super held. And have been called to stand up, to speak when I do not like speaking, to be honest when it is the scariest thing in the world to me. God is calling me to be big, but I feel so small. And He is calling me to step forward.

You know how in plays there are the actors and then there are the stage hands. I like being a stage hand. You are behind the curtain, dressed in black and only stop on the stage when the lights are out to arrange the scenery. I feel like God is making me dress up and walk to the front of the stage in front of a huge audience and becoming a key member in His play. I would say I am angry at God but all I can do is laugh. He is providing me lines, awesome supporting characters, memory, calmness, etc. I am not a puppet mind you, but an active and willing participant. Although I must admit I do not remember ever auditioning for this!

I guess what I am learning is be careful when you pray…because God hears…and moves. HAHAH and it is incredible!

I am dancing with God right now. He is showing me how to hold my body up, extend my arms, tilt my head, move my feet, and count the music. It is really awesome to dance with God.

It’s really cool too because my goal in previous weeks was to dance with God.

My heart, mind, and soul are really confused right now, because the truth is I want to run so far away from what is happening and what I am being told to stand up and do. It is uncomfortable, tiring, strange, and overwhelming, but the funny thing is every fiber of my being, everything about who I am and how I have been made is so drawn to step up, step forward, and walk right into the thick of war. I am confusingly convinced that that war is the only place that I can be to find peace and knowledge.

I am rather excited, I feel like a Hobbit leaving the Shire. Scared, clueless, but bold and determined. No one ever wants to leave the Shire, but I like Bilbo and Frodo…seem to have an itching for something more.

Never has the passage concerning putting on the armour of God been so real, and so urgent.