God is like the ocean because:
I am desperately in love with God and His beauty. He makes no sense and in that He makes all the sense in the world. How can He be such a calm ocean and yet so powerful and full of the craziest creations?! I just went on a short tour with some of the dearest friends I have ever had in which we drove a lot, packed/unpacked even more, and slept a little. I thought two things that would come from this trip: 1) I thought it was going to be really uncomfortable to be on tour when I am not actually a part of the band and 2) I thought I was going to be super drained throughout the trip and feel super frazzled by the end. Turns out that people were super encouraging and brought a lot of joy to me by how they responded when they found out I was just a friend chillin out on tour even though I cannot play anything. Also turns out that I was brought so much joy, peace, and rest this trip. It is amazing…well God is amazing. I love life. I love the people in it that I get to share it with. I am not going to lie. It really really really sucks to come home from such an amazing time. I loved being constantly with people I love, meeting new people, seeing new places, and being able to pray with my friends whenever something came up that needed prayer. I love that lifestyle. I have always wanted to travel around being a part of the music scene and just living life in a crazy way…I always thought it was something I could never experience because I cannot sing or play an instrument. It is really awesome to have friends take extra work and effort to fit me in their car so I could come enjoy the journey. I wish I could do that all the time, but I will certainly take the adventure when I can. It’s hard to come back and return to the normal when you live life with schemes and adventures. I have had to fight back sadness today, but God reminded me that every day is His. Whether I am driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway yelling out the window at some beautiful icicles or I am sitting in a gray cubicle getting yelled at by students. He is a God of enormous beauty that demands my joy and contentment no matter what!!!
I have been reading The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. And today while I was romping around in the some mud on my lunch break I was reading about repentance from a wandering heart…ironically right after reading Proverbs 4:23 about guarding your heart. Man, our God is so good…sometimes when I feel I am about to break and I have nothing I am reminded that I have repentance. I can cry out to my Father who gives a crap about what I care about. He cares when I am hurting and cares when my world feels like it is crashing. My friends care about that too, but one thing God can do that my friends cannot do is forgive me for my discontentment. God can give me freedom from my pain by forgiving me for Him not being enough to me. God has been teaching me a lot how to walk with Him. Just me and Him walking along…when I am a small child grasping for things that I want that I cannot have my friends can comfort me when I don’t get them, but God can literally take me by the hand and walk me ahead. Keep me going. God loves so big, and in His discipline we find His love so big.
Want to build and live in a Yurt with me?!?!
Playing God is scary. I don’t want the responsibility. I want to be forgiven for every trying to be Him. Forgive me. I am just trying to live life. It is so hard.
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