Picnics with God

I will sing because you are good
I will dance because you are good
I will shout because you are good
You are good to me


I had such a hard time singing those words today...I feel overwhelmed and burdened...but God I want nothing circumstantial to blur the lines of the truth of your everlasting goodness...open my eyes and change me limited feelings/understanding...

Help me.

Money, health, living situations, relationships, my sin...these keep me from seeing Your everlasting goodness...I confess my sin without shame asking for Your help...

I want to be healthy more than you...help me???

Where am I? Learning about what trusting God looks like in a way I haven't known before.

So I've never been in a situation of not having a home. I am now in a place of having to possibly find a place to stay for the next month and a half to possibly two and a half months...I'd be lying if I did admit that I am actually truly stressed and frustrated. I have never planned to be 25 and without my own family let alone my own home...but ironically I guess just now I'm realizing that I have always planned to not have a normal life...so I guess the truth is God is giving me the chance to enjoy an adventure...lol

But really guys if you'd be in prayer that I can find a super cheap or free living situation for the next few months...

Also sometimes church leaves you with these thoughts: so today's sermon was on seeing how God sees and being willing to suffer with Him...I realized I was angry to hear this sermon. Angry because I was there...desiring to give up everything to go across the country to live desolately to love the broken. I wanted to travel the country helping churches learn how to minister to the homosexual population and to hike the AT and preach the gospel...or be a counselor to reach broken families and kids...I feel that my heart in my eyes for brokenness and my heart for the hurting...I feel God allowed it to be stomped out and destroyed...I feel that financially these things get farther and farther from ever being possible and I am super pissed and feeling like I'm being kicked when I'm already down...

But God doesn't destroy what He desires...He's not a mean or a contradictory God.

Maybe I'm just not seeing the truth of my own personal decisions that have destroyed or made it impossible to get to where I desperately wanted to go for God or maybe I never really wanted it for God...

Today has been a weird day. Ending in tears because I miss my family... But God will finish the good work He has started...I know this is all right...just hard today.