So sometimes you sit outside on a tree root and write: what has life been like lately? It's been like going to watch a counseling session between yourself and God. It's like I'm watching this happen from the outside. To step so close to God and so far from yourself it is a weird but good experience. I've been able to see my flaws and darkness without being crushed by it. I've met myself as perhaps Gods sees me. It's weird and I cannot explain it. I'm broken by my failures and seeing why I'm broken. I love those around me and I'm seeing how my sin effects them. It's great to be free from the crushing weight off shame...to be functionally able to address sin in your life. God is gentle...it is Satan and ourselves who crush us.
God is so lovingly bringing life. I'm not where I want to be...but God is not angry. He is not demanding me to be someone or something but He is demanding me. Just me. Demanding what has kept me locked up and bound so as to keep me from joy and life and light. My mind. The darkest prison. So God breaks chains by these words: "THE AFFIRMATION ACCEPTANCE ADMIRATION YOU ARE LONGING FOR HAS ALREADY BEEN GIVEN TO YOU AND IS CONTINUALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY AND ENDLESSLY BEING LAVISHED ON YOU...FROM ME. AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH. YOU ARE MY BRIDE."
My life has not turned out the way I hAd been planning it to be...I still have big dreams that mean everything to me...but I suppose that I'm in a place where I'm having to learn that sanctification is what matters most. To become more like God should be my heart and should be better than my dreams of being married and being a counselor and hiking the AT. Perhaps until you're more like God you cannot really enjoy those things...but I'd be lying to say that I have truly embraced that.
I have met someone...myself for who I truly am...and God is trying to teach me why I need Him...I'm beginning to see...
On a completely irrelevant side note: i wish Middle Earth wAs real...hahaha (must be the fact I'm sitting on a free root smelling the dirt)
I love that God made dirt!!!!
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