I don’t want to be where I am. I want to be buying a bus ticket to Nashville and getting on the bus in 6 hours. I want to be going to see Timbre and Mason and Patrick…I want to be hiking, hiking the Appalachian Trail. I want to be going to ministry school. I want to be healed. I want love. I know God hears my wants, but here is the thing. The thing is God is here in my now. He is here with me in my stupid dark cubicle in my office that has no windows to even see the wonderful day outside. He’s here with my headache and my stomachache and He is certainly here in my heartache.
God isn’t a cruel god who allows us to have wants that will never be met.
There is something really awesome, calming, and encouraging when you realize that God is here. Today as I tried to take a nap on a cement bench outside of work angry and feeling down, these two boys came past and made fun of me for my bench napping…I snapped inside and as I was about to throw a stupid two year old tantrum. At that moment God so very awesomely took a hold of me in this embracing hug of awesomeness. I melted. It didn’t make the ache go away….but it makes being where I am perfect.
God wants me to stay still. To just walk right next to Him and stop trying to run ahead.
I had a friend pray for me last night. He prayed I would stay put with God and not run ahead so God doesn’t have to leash me. The best part about all that is the fact that as a kid my parents had to leash me because I had a tendency to wander off.
God has really awesome things for my future…I am so sure, but I must be willing to be like an obedient dog. Healing to its master’s side. Like a husky with cool eyes.
I am very grateful to realize that God is so very real and here. Here…I am praying we would all feel Him…here.
My outside comforts and joys are fragile, but I have been given roots and bark of the toughest tree ever. I can withstand any storm…and I think they are coming, but that is okay.
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