Uggs

Have you ever walked a dirt path through the woods and everything felt real and alive and you felt so small but so loved and safe? I always thought I could only ever feel that way on a literal dirt path in the woods, but God is teaching me that I can feel that way even in my cubicle. How you ask? Being just being with Him. Talking with Him. Praying. And the Appalachian Trail calendar certainly helps as well ;) Being filled. I am a new creation and I have been given the promise of an abundant life. Plain, simple, and more beautiful than the most sparkly unicorn ever!

It’s just that I have spent my whole life grumpy…and frustrated cause I keep feeling like I will never catch my break. I will never get out of debt, I will never get married, I will never get out on the Appalachian Trail, I will never____...I feel this sense of entitlement for my lucky break in this world. But what the heck does a lucky break in this world look like? Money is fleeting, marriage isn’t always easy nor will it fix anything, the AT will probably be the death of me, etc. There will always be another wave, another storm, another disappointment. So as I kyaked in a manmade pond two Sunday’s ago. I realized…God is not unfair in not giving me the things I want. He has given me the one thing that I need the ability to have an abundant life. God has promised me one thing, abundant free life in Him. What more could I ask for?!

I cannot be grumpy when I realize that I have the ability for the most beautiful life ever! And yet, I am so afraid. I find myself as a small child hiding in the corner crying as if a huge spider/clown were coming at me. Why? Because I am afraid that God will take everything wonderful and good that I have in community and in my sanity and drop it and let it shatter. As if God is someone who gathers you up in His hands and warms you and gives you lavished gifts just to throw you out into the snow, naked and alone. Perhaps my new journey is to discover why I feel this way about God…what lies have I allowed myself to believe and live in that have let me to believe that God does not want me to be loved and safe in His arms…in His community. We are not supposed to live in fear…but here I am…so pray for me cause I would rather bask in my Father’s arms then try to find safety holds for if He decides to drop me.

Oh, just because…God is so loving because I have the most amazing and awesome friends anyone could ever ask for…and to be honest I can’t keep from smiling when I think of them but crying when I think of the ones that are not here. Bah…missing people is hard. I love God for making and blessing me with such beautiful sisters and brothers to miss though ;)!

“A friend loves at all times…” Proverbs 17:17a This is a hard thing, but what better thing to have to learn to be able to do???